TLG: Nine children! Did you plan to have a large family?
Mrs. Agbu: Well, it started with me not having much clarity about the teachings of God on birth control, the right to life and all that. As I got a clearer understanding of what God says, I realized that there was a big wave of charismatic renewals going on in terms of the faith and lots of people were looking to understand more about God and what their relationship with Him should be. In the course of that, I read quite a number of books and it became clear that God wanted these things in a certain way. So it wasn’t like I set out to have nine. In fact after the first few children some people would say ‘how far are you going to go’ and in order to shut them up I would say ‘nine’ (laughs). It was a joke that became a reality. Once you have the trust in God and know that if you can take care of two children you can take care of more. You need to let go and realize you should just take one day at a time.

TLG: I think the first thing that most fathers will think is, ‘how are you able to cope financially?’
I think every child comes with their own special silver spoon and even when you’ve got a challenge, you have to look at things differently, not through the spectacles that the world usually looks at things. We say one plus one is two but when you say one plus one plus God, then things are automatically different. The joy of having the children surpasses any financial challenge. So when people look at me and say ah, how do you cope? I cannot explain to them the joy I feel. It’s like you have your own little secret and no-one else can really understand. Each child is a special gift from God and they come with all the joy and blessings. I’m sure people who have children know what joy they feel from one so multiply that by nine, that’s what I’m talking about. Also, once you have a child, even if you had a bit of apprehension before then, it disappears within a week of having your baby. You actually look back and say ‘my God, where would I have been without this child, I love this child so much.’ If you always look from the calculating, economical point of view, you cannot do it. But if you have that openness, that generosity to God, he will reward you. We all know how generous God is already; how much more when you are generous to Him, He will greatly compensate you. He will give you the wisdom, He will open your heart and you find you don’t have to think and think, you just have an eager heart, an accommodating heart. Fifteen years ago, if you had told me I would be able to have nine children happily, I would not have agreed with you. But His grace makes it possible. You are able to cope with any challenge. It’s been a fantastic experience.

TLG: How are you able to manage them all, in the home?
Mrs. Agbu: It has always been mandatory that I took a flexible job. I needed to be around a lot to see that they are all doing well. Most of my work is done while they are at school. I’m with them after school to supervise their activities and I have found out that as the older ones have gotten older, they help to look after the younger ones so I was able to slowly increase my number of hours at the office without ignoring the fact that the younger ones still need me. I am still very much around, I only got freed up a little more than before. From day one, we were very clear about the issue of discipline, proper upbringing, what is acceptable and what is not. We wanted to raise them with a view to making them independent individuals as they grow up. I read a book recently and it talked about the fact that when you raise a child, the child is going to go out into the world, so you have to prepare him for that role. So if you are bringing up a child and you are spoiling the child because you enjoy seeing them happy all the time, at the end of the day, the sort of punishment he might get outside because of his obnoxious behaviour, you who love him so much will purposely subject him to that. But if you bring him up well, you will relax, knowing that when the good child goes out into the world, to school, he will be okay. You also find that the good upbringing rubs off on the younger siblings who automatically learn from the older ones. Reading parenting books has also helped. You get so much information and it teaches a lot about raising kids. I also attend the family enrichment program regularly as you know. It really helps to know all about milestones and effective ways of parenting, having the right information makes it that much easier. The reading also extends to the children which is still part of what we learnt from the family enrichment program. My husband set up a library for them and it has made them cultivate the habit of reading. Aside from the love of reading, it has taught them to be responsible because they must return the books they take from the library, they also are learning to be tidy in all areas not just the environment but in their belongings because one rule is that the books must be returned in good condition; homework and studying became much easier because they already love to read. So it forms a background for everything else, you keep learning and applying to your life.

TLG: What advantage has it had on the children generally
 First of all they learn to share because of the large number, it also helps them in their relationships with friends and others outside the house. They respond to the needs of others, they are very generous, they are helpful and they always look out for each other. They interact better than children from smaller families because they start their society very early. Their family is already a mini-society. Though they are not all extroverts but the core values of generosity and selflessness is a common thread that runs through them all. They are all unique individuals with different character traits but they are united in knowing what’s right and wrong. You also find that because it’s a large family, their friends find it more interesting to visit, so when it’s time to decide whose house to visit my children always tend to get chosen because their friends think it’s more interesting here. It feels like a party because you already have the number (laughs). Another advantage is that the older ones teach the younger ones and help with any problem areas. They also help around the house so they are really trained to be independent and in the process I appreciate having them to help with those little things. A maid is also better behaved because they are keeping an eye on her.

My first daughter was recently asked by her English teacher to put in an essay for an essay-writing competition which was organized by the Nigerian Youth Corp in conjunction with Diamond Bank. It was a short story she did with a very interesting plot. We were called from the institute of foreign affairs to attend the prize giving day for the competition. It was only when she got there that she was announced as winner with a very good reward. She did the reading there at the event and it was really interesting because she just wrote her life story and they found it very interesting. It was on TV and we got a lot of calls from friends and family.

TLG: Advice for parents?
Mrs. Agbu: Have a positive attitude towards your children and life in general. Grow along with your children and bring them up knowing that they are the future of Nigeria. When each family produces well brought up children, it will reflect positively on society.

TLG: There must be one or two challenges…
Mrs. Agbu: Yeah, constantly struggling to be on top of things is one and always being there in difficult times, recognizing when they are having a difficult time. Adolescence is a difficult time for example, so one has to make the extra effort to give more attention to that child who is going through it. Realizing that you cannot afford to give up keeps you going. If you were leaving the office at 6pm before, you might have to leave earlier, say 4pm to be able to spend the required time with the child that needs you more at the time. The family must always come before your career; God, family and then career. Another challenge is still being able to give enough attention to each child in addition to the one that needs extra time. You should not neglect one child for the other. It is for this reason that we decided to have our children all attend day school instead of boarding which would have been easier but we realized early that being there for them is very important. If you send them off too young, you find that you are covering the pot that has the day of reckoning in it. By the time they come back to you, you have missed the most crucial period of their lives, the time that they have a lot of questions and issues to deal with. It is a gamble really, because you have some children who go through it and come out okay but why take a chance. Education should involve the school, the parents and the child.

TLG: You must attract a lot of attention when you go out.
Mrs. Agbu: you can say that again. Someone approached me once and asked for help in guiding her through the process of adopting. Incidentally, I have the facts on that but I was curious to know why she approached me since she couldn’t have just guessed that I knew about the processes involved in adopting children. She then went ahead to look at my children again and said “ah ah but you have adopted now, so you should know.” I told her I hadn’t and she was like “but they are all the same age, you must have adopted.” I had to tell her their ages and that they were all really mine. So I do get a few odd incidents like that. There is also the negative attention which is the more general one where people wonder why in this day and age you are having so many but like I said the joy of having these children is my little secret and so I just look at them and know it’s not their fault. I only wish they knew how happy we are. I am as fit as ever, every woman should know what works for her. It is an erroneous belief that has permeated society through the modern medical world and a few foreign NGOs who think a smaller population makes a better nation. I say a better population (irrespective of size) makes a better nation.